Mother-in-law refuses to see daughter-in-law's remote programming job as 'real,' calls her out at a family barbecue: 'Yeah, and that [...] paid off your son's student loans'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 22, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

There's a big generational gap when it comes to attitudes about work. Older generations might think that since they were forced to work a certain way, others should too. They spent countless hours commuting, stayed at a company for decades, and sometimes put work before family (especially if they had a wife at home taking care of the household). Needless to say, this doesn't have to be true anymore. The popularization of remote work means more flexibility for employees, less commute time, and saving companies money by not having to pay for offices. 

There's also a general attitude and understanding that we should all be kinder to each other in the workplace. The world is scary, so we can give each other breaks. But it can be hard for one generation to understand another. These beliefs are deeply engrained, and they might be hard to shake even when confronted with evidence. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for embarrassing my MIL in front of guests after she implied I don't do "real work"

    I (28F) work from home as a software developer. My MIL (58F) has never understood or respected that. Every time she visits, she makes snide remarks like, "Oh, must be nice to sit in pajamas all day," or "Back in my day, we actually had to commute to work."
    via u/Physical_Plant_3056
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10508027904
    via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Once generational dispute came to a head at a family gathering, between a woman and her mother-in-law. When she kept making snide comments about the type of work she does, the daughter finally had enough and gave her mother-in-law a piece of her mind. But that didn't squash the beef. Read on for the story and see what you think.

  • 03
    This past weekend we hosted a small BBQ. During dinner, someone asked what I do, and before I could answer, MIL chuckled and said, "Oh, she watches Netflix and calls it coding."
    via u/Physical_Plant_3056
  • 04
    Without skipping a beat, I smiled and said, "Yeah, and that 'Netflix' paid off your son's student loans and bought this house." Everyone laughed. MIL got really quiet. After they left, my husband said I was being unnecessarily mean and should've just let it slide. AITAH?
    via u/Physical_Plant_3056
  • 05

    Commenters came to her defense.

    Zestyclose-Custard-2 · 4d ago "If you don't like the way I deal with your mother belittling me, feel free to take over for me. The days of it going unaddressed are over." NTA
    via u/Zestyclose-Custard-2
  • 06
    SirEDCaLot • 4d ago This, right here, is the answer. Tell hubby that this is a boundary- if his mom is going to openly disrespect you in your own home, you are not going to smile and nod, you are going to fight back. If she treats you with the basic respect any guest is supposed to have for their host, you'll be the nicest host on the planet. But you've asked him repeatedly to talk to her about this, and either he hasn't done it or she hasn't listened, so you're now taking over for yourself.
    via u/SirEDCaLot
  • 07
    StrangledInMoonlight • 4d ago Your MIL has been "unnecessarily mean" for a long time now, and your husband hasn't seen fit to deal with her and get her to treat you with respect. If he doesn't like how you dealt with it, next time he can make sure his mom's behavior doesn't become your problem.
    via u/StrangledInMoonlight
  • 08
    • Level_Blacksmith_480 · 4d ago His issue is that he feels humiliated that people know that he couldn't deal with his own debt and couldn't provide for his family, that is why he feels she was 'unnecessarily mean' Edit to say NTA
    via u/Level_Blacksmith_480
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10508027648
    via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    sleepyHedgehog99 .4d ago NTA. I WFH in the same field and I've accepted that older people don't always understand what I do, but every time someone implies I sit at home doing nothing for eight hours, it still stings.
    via u/sleepyHedgehog99
  • 11
    Good for you for standing up for yourself, and shame on your husband for not defending you - you've been letting those comments slide for long enough.
    via u/sleepyHedgehog99
  • 12
    Traditional-Ad2319 4d ago • God I can't stand these men that do not support their wives when their mothers are witchy at them. I would be really ped if my husband didn't have my back especially regarding his mother.
    via u/Traditional-Ad2319
  • 13
    • Different-Leg7609 · 4d ago OP: 1 MIL: 0 Husband: -1,000 It should have never come to this point because your husband should have had your back. NTA all the way OP! Might want to see if there are any other red flags in your relationship though
    via u/Different-Leg7609
  • 14
    soyeah_87 4d ago You paid off HIS loans and bought the house HE lives in? H I no i wouldnt let it slide. But I'd let him slide back to mummy with his tail between his legs if he didnt put mummy dearest in her place. Oooh the rage
    via u/soyeah_87
  • 15
    CakePhool • 4d ago . NTA. What does your husband do? Ask him how would feel if he his job was referred to something silly all the time. Like if he a Mechanic, then he plays with cars, if he is architect then he doodles all day och a climate scientist well then he lays in fields and looks at clouds.
    via u/CakePhool
  • 16
    You need to sit down and have long hard talk about why isnt in your corner when it comes to your job. I also think you MIL just found out that you do earn more then pocket change, she might not know that you are high earner and thought it was her son.
    via u/CakePhool
  • 17
    Wed_Penny Dreadf... .4d ago "...my husband said I was being unnecessarily mean and should've just let it slide." And you should have nipped this in the bud so I wouldn't have to.
    via u/Wed_PennyDreadful13
  • 18
    Chefnick500 · 4d ago . NTA and that was a truly great riposte to MILS comment .. well done!!
    via u/Chefnick500
  • 19
    NUredditNU. 4d ago has your husband ever had a spine? NTA
    via u/NUredditNU
  • 20
    GorditaPollo • 4d ago Nta sounds like hubby enjoyed you getting taken down a peg or two when it was sliding under the radar. He must be rad in the sack
    via u/GorditaPollo
  • 21
    WelshWicked Witch 4d ago . Your husband needs to understand that you didn't. have to pay off his student loans, you did so because you have his back. That said, when did he have your back when his mother makes snide comments to you? When has he dealt with the disrespect you have to deal with from his family?!
    via u/WelshWickedWitch
  • 22
    Your MIL is escalating with her disrespect, especially as she felt brazen enough to attack you and try to humiliate you in your home. Yet your husband's focus is on you being "unnecessarily mean" and trying to force you to prioritise his comfort over your security and right to respect.
    via u/WelshWickedWitch
  • 23
    You have a husband problem. He likes the perks of a financially successful wife, but won't safeguard you. That's not on. NTA
    via u/WelshWickedWitch
  • 24
    Sassy-Peanut • 4d ago And had anyone said the same thing about DH in front of his friends would he still think you should have 'let it slide?' I doubt it, you showed him up as a dependent and MIL as a snarky b****h - well done for standing up for yourself. The generation of women being raised as 'keepers of the peace' who let others walk all over them are over!
    via u/Sassy-Peanut
  • 25
    oldgrandma65 4d ago Major husband problem. Why are you allowing him and his mother to treat you so badly? No relationship is a vast improvement over half assed relationships. Try it, you might like it!
    via u/oldgrandma65

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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship marriage remote work AITAH relationship status money problems relationship-drama reddit story family feud marriage-drama relationships mother in law story family reddit thread Reddit money healthy relationship
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